Fearing The Light

The lake is empty of water, like my heart is empty of emotion. My mind is not empty of fear. On the contrary it is full of it. What am I afraid of? Is it true what Marianne Williamson says, that

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us?”

http://farawayinthesunshine.wordpress.com/ I don’t know what I believe because what do I have to be afraid of? What happens if I do sell many books and make my living that way? Is that a bad thing? I’m always saying I’d love to win the lotto and find out what kind of problems that might bring with it, thinking all the while that I’d be able to handle THOSE kinds of problems.

But what if that isn’t true? What if making my living from my words, what if selling enough to actually make money also brings problems I can’t foresee, and I’m not willing to find out what those problems are like I would be winning the lottery? Why would that be?

“It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us…”

Why wouldn’t I want to be successful, to shine, to show the world my “light?”

I don’t know.

 So I will go and work in my garden where I am not afraid of my power, my ability to sustain a beautiful garden. Plants don’t threaten me. Plants don’t judge me. Plants are the ultimate in “Unconditional Love” especially when given enough of that love and care. I’m not afraid of my being able to raise and love my children, to raise and love my little adorable dog.

Why would I be afraid of my own light with my words? Am I willing to pay the price for success? How do I know when I don’t know what that price is? Do I fear judgment so much that it stops me? Do I feel stopped? No. I don’t. Not yet anyway.

Why is this so hard? I look out at the would-be lake and groan. I saw a white egret out among all the vegetation this morning and remarked it was the first one I’ve seen in a very long time here. When there was water we had many, many egrets of all sizes and colors. Saw at least one every day. They left with the water. Now one has come back. Does that mean the water is coming back also? I hope so. Maybe if enough water returns to swallow all the choking weeds, I will be able to see reflected in the water’s surface, the Light of the universe and remember how small my paltry fears really are.  Maybe I’ll go beyond my fear of the light within me and embrace my place in the world “out there.”

Images from:

hedgelandtales.blogspot.com

www.deviantart.com

lightworkers.org

holographicarchetypes.weebly.com

Talk About Paying It Forward...

To let all of my blogger friends know, Randi Lee is putting together a 3-Ups Bloghop.
She says it will work like this: "Each blogger will pick the blogger listed below them, visit his or her site, read a post or two, and then tell them three things they like about the person or his or her blog. Easy enough, right? And how good will you feel after making someone else's day? I reckon pretty darn good." Visit her site for details (link in the name of the bloghop above)

Thought you might like to participate being as it's a one time thing and who knows who you might find out there who clicks with you?

Wednesday we head for North Carolina for my father's memorial. I am glad the time has finally come. I'm glad we'll be seeing family and friends and sharing our memories, thoughts and emotions together. A dear friend who has also passed away much too soon will also be honored and remembered. Marc Lammens has been an adopted part of our family for well over 20-something years. He was 56 and is greatly missed by not only his wife and 13 year old son, but by all of us who knew him as well. I'm hoping for bright sunny weather, they would both appreciate that. I'll be back to writing and blogging next week and can't wait. I've got some kind of "bee's nest" stirred up in my head right now and it's buzzing like crazy. As Cat Stevens says, "I can't keep it in, No, I gotta let it out!" Listen below! Love love this song...

Until next week Happy Memorial Day weekend for those of you in the States and Happy Weekend for those of you elsewhere!

Hurts So Good

Soon comes a time of remembrance as we will hold my father's memorial on the 25^th of this month. I feel like I had a “breather” in April, a time to be in my home with my husband and just let life move around me while I wrote and didn’t think so much about missing my father. I didn’t go to North Carolina for the first month in almost twenty-four. I didn’t realize how un-grounded I was in my own home because of that. I love being in NC, so it wasn’t a hardship for me and I didn’t realize this un-grounded-ness until I didn’t go.

 

This past month I found writing to be fun, a release, a pleasure to look forward to every day. I wrote on my blog and on my work in progress every day. I had a project I needed to finish before the end of May and I made excellent progress on it. I felt stable. I felt entrenched. It was a healthy, wonderful feeling that left me energetic during the day and tired at night. The kind of tired you have when you know you’ve accomplished something good that day. I felt “home.” We also had family come and stay a bit and it only seemed right for them to be here in our home at that particular time. A confirmation.

Now I, we, will once again travel to NC to share memories and the pain of loss with my family and be with others as they say their farewells to my father.  Life is constant change, always in flux and in keeping with that we have a young French girl/woman staying with us which entails me finding a new rhythm, a new stability, which so far (it's only been a week!) has been hard to do. But today I was eager to be at the computer; eager to be back in contact with my "true love." Today I came close to finding a balance, which reinforced the certainty that soon I will once again let my imagination and fingers have free range within whatever new rhythm I discover. One of my favorite sayings is “Life is what happens when you’re busy planning something else.” Perfect example!

Flowers and Evangeline's Miracle

Okay I said I was taking a break from blogging, but honestly, I've never won an award for flower arranging, having never done it before, so I have to post about it! I'm a member of a local garden club here in south Georgia. We have a big "plantation" style historical house in our town that is unique in that it is formed in the shape of a half circle. Therefore it is named "The Crescent" and we hold a flower show here every year. This year the name of the show was "A Day to Remember" and the themes were based on "Days" throughout the year where we celebrate something; Gardening Day, Book Lover's Day, Mother's Day, etc. You get the idea. My club asked me to enter something into the flower arrangement part of the show. I have never done this but was assured I would have help.
Well, not so much, but I read a lot about it (yes I love books) and asked questions and made my arrangement based on the idea of flowers springing out of a book, while doing the April A to Z Blogging Challenge. I did it, and I won!! I still can't believe it. I got First Place in my category, Pedestals and my section, Book Lover's Day. Go Me! My club is very happy with me right now!
Yes, I chose Evangeline's Miracle as my book. Here is what I put on the card explaining my arrangement and what EM is about:

Evangeline's Miracle Arrangement and me.

Evangeline’s Miracle

Book Lover’s Day

Floral Elements:

Lilies, Tulips, Ivy and Moss

Evangeline didn’t know she was waiting for a miracle, until one found her.

In Evangeline’s story flowers bring the past

and present together to help heal ancient wounds.

With my "Tri-Color" First Place Ribbon!

Images from:

www.georgiaencyclopedia.org

vanishingsouthgeorgia.com

Reflecting on A to Z Blogging Challenge 2013

First thought: Can’t wait to get the badge saying I did it!

Second, well, I have so many, but to keep it short and sweet (like me, my husband says) I felt I made the challenge my own this year. Last year was my first time to take it on and I felt “hell-bent” to get out and see as many blogs as possible. That was fun and I “met” a lot of bloggers, but not many I stayed in touch with. This year I wanted to approach it from a different angle. I “surfed” the list (that enormous list!) and found five or six or seven blogs I really wanted to hear from every day. I visited their blogs every day and commented and found other blogs that I wanted to check out from the other comments made. What a difference this made to me and my stress level! And what great blogs I found that I will continue to follow and receive emails from throughout the year.

So for me, this year was about quality not quantity. Trying to make an impression on a few instead of fleeting comments on many that I never went back to. I also found tons of different ideas on how to blog!

Arlee Bird

I love this challenge. It reminds me of why I write and how special all people are who “journal” online in whatever form they choose. They open my mind to the world and to possibilities I might not have been aware of before.

Thank you A to Z Challenge Crew. You are the BEST! And thank you again, Arlee Bird for your brain child and all it does for bloggers!
 SORRY! Forgot to add the link for the reflections list! Here it is...

http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/2012-to-z-reflections-linky-list.html

Images from:

www.a-to-zchallenge.com

tossingitout.blogspot.com

myatozchallenge.com

Hiatus

Hello all,

Happy May Day! Here is some interesting reading... Origins of May Day

Also, a note to let you know I'll be taking a small break from blogging for a bit. I'll still post for the Reflections blog on A to Z this Friday but I need to catch up on my work in progress before May progresses too far. My father's memorial service will be at the end of this month and I have lots to do to prepare for it. We also have a very sweet and wonderful French girl named Nolwen coming to stay with us for three, yes, three months next week so I must prepare the house (and activities) for her as well. I don't mind being busy, especially right now!

So, I'll be back, but don't worry if you don't hear from me for a bit...

Have a great May,

Lisa

Images from:
www.theholidayspot.com
loveyourplace.blogspot.com
www.syracuse.com 
womensphilanthropy.typepad.com
ocap.ca